Friday, January 25, 2008

Anti-Prefunctory Parental Ponderings

Outside of my relationship with God and my wife, there is nothing more important than my children. I have a daughter from a college liaison, let's call D1, that twenty-three years ago I gave up for adoption to the man who wanted to marry my college friend. I have a son from my first marriage, he will be S3, and two from my present and final marriage, S4 and D3. My wife had three children in her first marriage, S1, D2, and S2, which means between us, seven people are walking the planet as a direct result of our choices.

When D1's mom thought it best I have NO contact with our daughter, but my family (parents, aunts) were still big parts of her life, I was able to stay up to date on D1's life. When she asked about me, she was told some sort of nonsense, and when she actively was looking to speak with me (through my parents whom she called Grandma & Grandpa) she was fifteen, so I wrote her a letter telling her how I wanted what was best for her, and her mom and the man that loved them both could make a good family for her. I was honest, telling her I loved her from the time she was born, but made choices because her mom and I weren't in love. Now D1 will be 26 next month, and she is a single mom with a one year old boy, and she lives on the east coast. She stays in touch via email and "Myspace", and she acknowledges me as a person. The irony is that my stepchildren and my own S3 treat me the same way.

Raised in my house, those children are just as uncommunicative, uncaring and unavailable emotionally as the girl who's only connection with me is biological. A symptom of the generation and our culture, I believe. However, that is a thought for a different blog. Now I have D2 who also had a child and needed my wife and my support for a time, and has an incredibly strange rationale for what she is entitled to. She doesn't refer to S4 and D3 as her brother and sister, just as "my mother's kids". This entitlement is shared unconsciously by all 5 of the older children. S1 is 26, and he keeps in touch to inform us about him. He has told us how he feels strongly that he needs to be more involved in his younger siblings lives, but only how they relate to HIM. There is no desire to relate to them. Examples - S4, an 11 year old, is very intelligent and has a communication level that S1 can understand. They chat for hours via Skype while D3, a nine year old, is dying to participate and listen and even tell her stories, but the parents have to intervene just to allow her any time at all. I am frequently perplexed by this phenomena, and then I hear stories of other children from a myriad of different ideologies and households who have the very same entitlement issues. I still feel quite guilty, even with the evidence society presents, for the following reasons:

My two youngest, S4 and D3, are still in the formative stages, elementary school ages. We have provided a great foundation of the importance of God, family, education, physical activities, and friends. D3 doesn't seem to get it. She just dances through life, making the same repeated errors, and her actions when explaining are simply, "yea, so what?" or a vacant stare that begs the question, "Hello, is ANYBODY home?" I feel like such a failure when I stand back and look at the large canvas of my family. It is my fault.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Ramblings

Happy New Year to all of my three readers - been a busy holiday season with Christmas, school, family visiting from Colorado for an all-too-brief time. My 94 year-young grandma came with my parents. It was a blessing to spend so much time with her. My niece had her right ACL surgically repaired the day after Christmas, which became a freaky and almost surreal time with my sister and my brother-in-law, but a great new beginning and opportunity for one of the sweetest people on this planet. My oldest niece is a humble, talented and gorgeous high school junior. She has never had more than a scrape or bruise, and now she is dealing with a major injury and repair. This process is slower than she imagined. She is young and very healthy, with a great orthopedic surgeon - she will heal to a point almost as good as new -

This is the home stretch of my Bachelor Degree - I must get back to my term paper on English and Education and humor - a goofy topic, huh?