My Character

My squawking all these years on this blog has been about one theme - character! I am so upset at myself when my own character does not fit what I strive for. I want to be the coolest, most patient, loving, and good person - a person who's inner strength is so awesome that it picks up everyone around me, and they ask "What is it about that guy?"

I have spent most of my life worrying about how I was perceived by people. I wanted acceptance of people more than God, and even though I believed and accepted Christ as my Savior, my life was a mess of cataclysmic proportion. I now know that while I have been given gifts and abilities, my allegiance to God as God is far more important than any gratification I receive by men and women. I am also wishing for my children to understand this principle through my example, and they will see Christ living in me, not just 'lip service'.

One thing I tend to do is focus on popular people (generally in the realm of sports) who have little-to-no-character, and make them negative examples. Sometimes, or once in a while, this is good, but it is my experience that the human animal responds best to positive stimulus, example, or encouragement, and so it is my goal to be more like Christ now, in ten minutes, at bedtime, tomorrow, next week, and beyond. The plethora of bad character examples will have to fend for themselves. I will endeavor to no longer give them credence.

I am amazed at how I still am working on traits, quirks, and character issues in my own life - I asked myself, "Self, why did you think/say that?" or "Why don't you tell him/her which way is up?" or a myriad of other selfish, un-Christ-like behaviors, and still want to take back words or actions long since gone and printed on my pages in my book. Luckily, my errors have been erased, or washed away by an act I can not even fathom, Jesus dying for me. But as Paul told the Roman church we should not sin just to receive more grace from God, but we should follow Christ, his teachings and his example of living. It is awesome that Jesus was not a "do as I say, not as I do" leader.

Thank you God, for your grace and forgiveness. Thank you for sticking with me even though I am so not worthy of anything you have done for me. Help me to act grateful, not just give words of thanks.

Old Pottery, New Hope

I truly believe that God has told us what we need to know. Not necessarily the tap-you-on-the-shoulder and audibly directing us as He did with Moses, Isaiah, and Elijah. We have His words in 66 books known as the Bible. His story written by men and women to share His thoughts , His heart, and His plan for us in narrative, poetry, prophetic, and historical about people who believed, who were used for and/or touched by His glory.

I am not unequivocally dismissing direct revelation today, because I am not smart or holy enough to limit God in any way, but there are many things I hear 'that make me go hmm'. When scripture says, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit" (Acts 2:38 NIV), there are very important and simple principles laid out for the human, and yet much is left to further hermeneutics study and interpretation. In short this one cornerstone verse of scripture from the beginning of the church can be viewed, argued, discussed, or taught in a number of ways because of an individual and their personal 'baggage' that filters or directs the head and the heart. This week I was told that my faith and my destiny were in question because I had never personally had a 'Holy Spirit moment' of one of the gifts such as 'tongues, prophecy, or healing' (these were the three he referred to specifically).

The gentleman and I were talking about the church because of a t-shirt I was wearing, and he began to relate to me instances in his life with other pastors who had the audacity to challenge his testimony, yet he then spiritually 'drop-kicked' me due to my lack of manifestations of gifts as laid out by the apostle Paul. His ministry was with a Church that has been very big in the Inland Empire of southern California, and he wasn't contrite for argument's sake, but he truly had me befuddled. He is a friendly and loving man. He just had a very interesting habit of changing meanings or not being able to recall scripture that help defend his feelings or beliefs.

When I would either quote or reference scripture to ask him to think about his defiant stance, he would tell me that the true meaning of my reference was something all-together different. To the point, he told me straight up, "When anyone prays for something like a healing or a tangible thing, and God doesn't answer your prayer by granting the request, the fault lies with the person praying, because God NEVER says no to any request." I asked him about David and the temple, and Paul and his "thorn in the flesh", and he had rationalizations (to me, anyhow) to deny each example.

This rambling is not to seek vengeance or satisfaction, but honestly to seek answers. Since I am the only one reading my writing, maybe in my study I can come across, answers, or this is one of those 'agree to disagree' topics, not important for the gospel message, but just a question for God after judgement.