Motivation Only Comes From Within

I was sitting in my college class last week and heard my Professor exclaim that growing up on the east coast and living in Europe had made it very easy for him to love southern California, but he admitted it was hard to get into Christmas with 70 - 80 degree days, and the general lack of concern people here have for others. Actuating as I have from Colorado, I am also drawn to the "white" of the winter season as well as the crispness of sub-freezing temperatures. I truly miss the Christmas season. Unlike my prof, I miss Colorado ALL THE TIME.

I have the most awesome companion in life. My wife, my sweetie, my love is such a fantastic woman, and she has taught me so many life lessons, and this one I finally get - the outer esoteric "stuff" that we humans count on to change our mood or motivate our actions is not important, the mind and the heart of the individual is where true behavior derives, whether it's positive or negative.

Remember this Christmas to hug those you love, be kind to those you don't, and above all, give God all the praise for giving his Son to us as the Ultimate Gift of love, to weak and pathetic humans who don't deserve anything from God accept contempt for our lack of respect and punishment for our behavior.

Almost Everything is Changeable

I have heard it said far too many times, "(Insert a name here) will never change. He/She is just as (insert a negative personal characteristic here) now as they have ever been." The laughable part is that as humans nothing is ever the same twice. Just as ironic is the millions of people on this big blue rock who are resistant even to the point of animosity toward change. If repeating perfectly was easy, many many people would be far better at sports, art, and music. Other activities would be far more simple and more frequently mastered, like typing out forms at work, driving, exercising, cleaning, etc.

I need to insert a disclaimer here, that people who chose to talk without conscience, or let alcohol or drugs control their actions are not diseased anymore than people with red hair or that are left hand dominant are satanic. This argument is not of any substance and usually a lazy excuse for foolishness. Those who choose to give in consistently to fleshly desires (booze, drugs, overeating, sex, lying, gossip, narcissism) have no one but themselves to blame for their plight, although most will be quick to blame "any port in a storm".

The beauty of this problem is that choices abound for every individual - to exercise instead of smoking that pipe or poppin' those pills, to paint, sing, or write and put the bottle away. To talk to a friend or a professional counselor instead of going to the Internet porn, to chew carrots and celery instead of a dozen doughnuts. Even in our speech, change is doable. Swearing isn't necessary, and gossip is a choice as well. But beware of the devout who gossip under veiled curtains of prayer requests or concerns for brothers and sisters in Christ.

The only thing I can find that can not change is that promise of peace, joy, and the security deep inside from God 's promise. No matter where you turn and what you do, God's promise is there - the opportunity to live with an assurance of salvation, more than a fleeting feeling when nice things happen, but an assurance from your soul that the Holy Spirit is your guide. Not that this makes the trip easier, because that is hardly ever the case. Courage and strength come from doing what is right and usually you have to brave a current of popular opinion to go the right direction.

Friends can be fickle - Look at the example from the Bible of how the citizens of Jerusalem cried out HOSANNA! when Jesus entered the city, and they laid palm branches in front of him as a sign of regal acknowledgment. Then less than one week later, their cries were CRUCIFY HIM! On the other hand, the thief crucified beside Jesus changed his heart and Jesus promised him a place in Paradise in the man's final minutes of life. Change is inevitable, if we learn anything from nature. The choice is a natural process. Why not choose to live a life of happiness, joy and trust instead of deceit, selfishness, and misery?

What is the Cost of Patriotism?

Bravo to the NFL. The decision to delay the game for the safety of the fans and players in Pittsburgh on November 26 was well thought out, most probably a plan for just such a contingency implemented years ago. The decision to forgo the National Anthem to save a few minutes was a spur-of-the-moment bout of stupidity for which all professional sports will take hits for years to come. An extra ten or fifteen minutes tops was saved in order that a tradition that dates WAY BACK was abolished. Is that the true national "anthem"? $$$ - The drive of the almighty dollar, waved under the noses of NFL executives, completely ignored a landmark of sorts.

The epidemic could spread in the worst way - soon schools and businesses across the country will cease flying the flag outside their buildings because the cost of the people in putting it up and taking it down. Boys and girls alike will stop wanting to serve their country because the financial benefits are solely in the private sector. Acres of purple mountains and amber waves are over developed for suburban housing, while cities turn into slums. Politicians will begin to bend away from the good of the nation to seek compensation for themselves. Yet I digress.

This day I am ashamed to be a rabid football fan. This day I feel foolish as an American, being laughed at world wide for the greedy stupidity that permeates professional sports. All I can imagine is that the players union of the NFL is so pathetic that this could only happen in football. Baseball's union would have had lawyers on the field with an injunction preventing the kickoff until the proper amenities were observed. Not for the love of country, but because of psychological repercussions if the same routine is not followed to the letter.

My cynicism knows no bounds today - I am emotionally in pain for many reasons today. And here I sit, breaking from my schoolwork only long enough to scribble this on a blog. I yearn for the day when I can make a difference in this world. Maybe I won't change the whole world, but just a little corner of it.

GOD BLESS AMERICA, because by itself it is doomed!

An Ethical Shell Game

First of all, I don't care if Barry is found guilty or not of the crimes he has been indicted. I know he is/was an outstanding baseball player, as was Caminiti, Canseco, Palmiero, McGwire, and many others who preceded him in retirement. However, this article isn't about whether his career was a sham, or if the records are asterisk worthy, or about him directly. It is about how the story is being covered, see reported on, by the media.
The question of morality and ethics is best suited for this blog, but has been reprinted in my other sports blog for better coverage. I am so tired and frustrated, even exhausted with this yada, yada, yada about Mr. Bonds and the federal indictment that came down on Thursday. Men who have jobs talking about sports have all weighed in. Many in the past twenty four hours have done nothing to endure themselves to me by their intellect. I admit I haven't heard or read everyone, so I only have a limited scope - yet that scope has had to tolerate (actually I did shut off the radio and stopped reading because of my brimming exasperation). I begin my tirade with Tim Kurkjian, when he claimed Bonds belongs in the Hall of Fame for his production before the alleged steroid desecration began. He also claimed on ESPN that he would wait until after the trial and peruse the morals clause of the Hall inhabitants. Mr Kurkjian, may I direct your attention to Mr. Pete Rose, who's sins were AFTER he stopped playing and became the all-time hits leader in all of Major League Baseball. That hypocrisy raises my ire much too fast.
Next, the baseball panel of Pete Gammons, Rob Parker, Tim Kurkjian, and Buster Olney with Bob Ley was interesting. Gammons admitted to voting for confessed cheater Gaylord Perry. So what? He also said that he wanted to wait and watch the trial before holding judgement. Why would the trial for obstruction of justice and perjury make any difference about his status for Baseball's Hall? Parker talked of "brethren" who "just don't like Bonds and won't vote for him." He admitted to voting for McGwire, as did Kurkjian, which must be their rationale for turning a blind eye to this era and ALL of its participants. Buster was very careful about his personal views, and almost all of his words were about other voters, other players, etc.
Many other people have spoken out about Barry Bonds. Buster in another context brought up the 1919 "Black Sox" Scandal where the players were acquitted and still banned by the then commissioner of the baseball. The Charles Barkley interview was ridiculous. Saying it was a racial issue. Excuse me, Mr. Barkley, Caucasian Mark received only 23% of the vote for the Hall of Fame, and when he retired he was a no-doubt first ballot guy. McGwire is a pariah now - Giambi is a nothing now, and to put the focus back on the indictment, Sir Charles completely forgot that the court is going after Barry not because of his hat size increase, but HE LIED TO A FEDERAL GRAND JURY! Barkley used the two aforementioned white guys to argue the "obviousness" (is that a word?) that "they" were only going after Barry. I wish he would play ball, because he was more entertaining and far less frustrating then. Local L.A. sports radio talked about how "Pudge" Rodriguezand Rafael Palmiero were given a pass along with Giambi and McGwire - again I say "FOCUS, PEOPLE!" This is about Federal Grand Jury/Balco stuff. These other guys may have told the truth on the witness stand.
And then, the Al Sharpton of the African-American athlete, Steven A. Smith went on an insane diatribe with Rob Parker on "First and 10", as well as guest shots onother radio shows, and made Barkley look like a Rhodes Scholar Quantum Physicist. He is so far removed from reality and so not entertaining - like the crotch shots on AFV, one or two make you chuckle, then you just can't deal with that clip anymore!

When You're Blessed, You Are Blessed!

Tonight I was blessed at a worship service where a concert broke out! Mercy Me is not just a great studio band, their live show is incredible. Anything that motivates me to be more than the lazy channel surfing slob I am inside is so good it is just short of miraculous. I was so lucky to see them perform at Crossroads Church in Corona, CA along with Aaron Shust and a duet called Monk & Neagle - a couple of young men with acoustic guitars and dynamic harmonies and amazingly insightful lyrics. The night was special as we shared it with friends; a couple that we know from my wife's work. I have heard the phrase "Keep Jesus the focus" a million times in my life, but tonight all of the groups that led the audience in worship truly were in the backseat and were very comfortable there.

Musically the concert was tight, with good mix of vocal and instruments. In this sanctuary that seats approx 1000 people in stadium seats with a pro stage, I was tremendously impressed. Loving the band Mercy Me as I do I was disappointed they only sang for an hour and a half, doing just a few songs from each CD, including the not-yet-released CD. I was so jazzed to hear that mix of vocals and instruments from the band - Bart has an amazing gift, his pipes are very powerful and have such a rich sound - even when in his highest register!

Enough critique - if you have the opportunity to hear them live, take it! And, as was said many times by all the bands, whatever you do, choose to give God glory, and wait for the end to see it all work out! This message really struck home to me as we have experienced our share of trials, and God's reward has always been evident. Some things we (my life partner, wife, sweetheart, lover all in one) are still trusting on some things, but Joshua, Gideon, Elijah, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, Daniel, Simon Peter, and many others stand as our examples of God's faithfulness and His ability to be glorified through the stupidity and frailty of mankind. Be blessed in your daily routines - give it all you have, for God promised to give you all He has!

Just Another Day In Paradise

Thank you for allowing me to borrow your line, Mr. Phil Vassar. Yesterday I was trying to register for my final semester at California Baptist University, with a graduation target of B.A. in English on May 3, 2008. I was told there was a hold on my account and Student Accounts needed to see me. I went in and spoke to a very sweet, professional woman who explained that tuition had gone up $10 per unit, that I no longer received a $500 per semester scholarship, and my loan covered about 80% of my costs, not including books. So I am sitting in this chair and I feel like I took a cheap shot in the back of the head.

My dilemma, is that I am waiting for transcripts of my college experience to get to Jurupa Unified School District so I can be a substitute teacher for the remainder of this school year until I complete my certification process for teaching in California. Jurupa Unified is one of the only Districts that allow substitutes that are not yet certified, but have completed 90 units toward their B.A. degree. CBU has a policy that they will not release transcripts or diploma until a students balance is ZERO. I can't get this job to make money to pay bills without transcipts being released. As Jane said in "Fun With Dick and Jane", "We're in a bit of a pickle, Dick!"

I am applying for another subsidy loan to cover the balance, and if I am approved, then after a little longer wait I will get the sub job to make enough $ to pay back the short term subsidy loan, and then roll on with my plan of teaching high school and making more of this life I have been blessed with.

Camelot - Not

There are some days when the news is good and positive. These days seem few and far between the muck and yuck of our world today. So I woke this morning and worked on my homework for a couple of hours, attended my first Weight Watchers meeting with my beloved, and spent the afternoon helping my beloved and my two youngest with their homework. Everyday stuff - kind of boring, actually. I listened to my favorite Christian band, Third Day, coming home from school that night.

What could be better? As I await the school district's word on my substitute teaching, I am working diligently on my own school work, but never wanting to fail to be there for my children. Our debt is creeping around us like the weeds in my wife's flower garden. Things within my control, and things completely outside my control are working hard on my self esteem and my confidence, however I have a great feeling in my heart and in my head. What is the cause? Nothing tangible, nothing like the big win by the Rockies in Philadelphia versus the Philllies is at the nucleus of this euphoria. I am really understanding trust in God, I am truly in the zone of God's love, and His grace.

Stuff happens daily. I can be like Thoreau and talk myself up and all others down. I could be Socratic and pick everyone else's ideas apart until there was no answer. I choose to be a follower of Jesus Christ, and while my actions are far from perfection, with a clean and penitent heart I take one step at a time, one day at a time.

ROLE MODEL 7/07

White Ford Bronco on the highway –
The Heisman trophy sold away –
Ranting athletes to be excused -
From the label overused –
“Role model”

Ballplayers spitting on umpires –
Athletes ignore conduct required
Brawling like thugs on the court or stands –
Put a check in their hands –
“Role models” –

Treating women worse than property–
Disgraced and ignored by Disney -
Sports full of gunshots and stab wounds –
Lawyers and court costs boon –
“Role models”

Drugs for profit, for health, or fun –
To forget when competition is done –
Luring them into strong and faster –
Entitlement is the master
“Role model”

Where have they gone, men of my youth?
Humble men who showed No tooth –
Selfless stones of fiber moral –
Pillars all,
“Role models”

“Say Hey” – Hank - Clemente, we love –
Heroes putting others high above
Both on and off the diamond –
“Role Models” with a special bond -

Two men stand at the open door –
Giving of self rather than egos galore –
The Hall opens up to their deeds –
Role Models

What Does Love Have?

Love in any language is a most important word.

I have been remarried for 11 + years. The first one was supposed to be magic, mystical, and super - it was none of those. The second one is my last one. She is my soul mate. In addition, I have learned that marriage is a process of working things out, give and more give, and pure devotion and trust.

I am sad to see so many friends struggling with spouses. The Evil One rejoices when discord is any one's anthem from home. I am not preaching or giving advice, because that would make me the hypocrite of hypocrites. It is an observational muse, only an awful feeling of loss. When a man and woman vow before God and their family and friends to become one "'til death do us part," that vow means something. It does not mean that supernatural forces will fix every fight, that personal baggage will magically disappear and not be an issue with spouses. It means that a married couple will try their best to understand and work out problems.

Even if that working out is giving up self for the sake of the marriage, the bond between a man and a woman is sacred and must not be ignored, disgraced, or deceived. Cooperation, communication, and concentration on the other spouse above yourself is the best recipe for a successful marriage.

I love my wife more than human words can express. Unfortunately, I can't even show her a slight measure of my love by my actions. She shows me every day what real love is. Her ability to give and give, get beaten down by her kids, her work, or by me or my problems, and still continue to give and love unconditionally. She is amazing, and I am so lucky. I need to get myself together on a daily basis. This is why my kids, my nieces, and my friends problems all bring me down so far. I personally know how much work it takes, or conversely, how easy it is to destroy if regular maintenance is not administered.

Homesickness

I miss Denver!

Alleged Bomber Has Family Issues

Heavens to mergatroid! Logic at the college level is slowly eroding - case in point, this week's re-arrest of the alleged bomber at the UCR graduation. This link is the news story about the incident. The report today on the local news is that this young man went through all these troubles (allegedly) to make sure his parents didn't find out he had dropped out of school long ago.

Explain to me how threatening to blow up a commencement, planting bombs to insure said college graduation is postponed, being arrested and spending a great deal of time in jail would be better than having the folks find out you are a dropout, a liar, and chiseler?

Oh yeah, right, branded as a terrorist, having a prison record and being a national laughingstock is far better than college dropout! His lawyer is already negotiating with record companies for his prison rap cd! rimshot!!

Mother's Day Deserves to Be Special

My mom deserves a great mansion, servants at her beck-and-call, a climate of sunny days, balmy breezes, and her grand children and great-grand children coming to visit regularly, not staying too long but being ever ready to brighten her day. The reason my mother deserves such a life is because she raised me, the cause of all those gray hairs. As we come to the day set aside to honor our matriarchs, I can not begin to honor my mom enough. I love her so, and I know for a fact that if I could give her all she deserves, she wouldn't accept it anyway.

She is a giver, and most often when given an opportunity to receive, she sheepishly declines. In other words, mom has a hard time taking ANYTHING from others, but she would be the first or at the least second to give time, energy, supplies, or a loving ear or shoulder to someone in need. In my lifetime, I have rarely seen her need someone (other than dad)'s help, but I watch her almost on a daily basis help her church family (the lucky folks at the Disciples of Christ Church in Fort Morgan, Colorado), her immediate family (mother, two sisters and their families, one brother and his family, dad's family, and her son and daughter plus their families), and her extended family, neighbors, and friends past and present.

Mom, you inspire me. I love you so much, and I owe you more than I could ever give back. Thank you, and HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

What Is The Fruit On Your Tree?

With some people there are pages and pages of evidence as to their moral character, regardless of what they profess to be "made of", or "about", or "how they roll". Then, there are others on this 3rd rock from the sun who have just glimpses into their lives, a few shining, or even startling moments that define their character. These actions, whether in abundance or ever so rare, are in religious terms known as "fruits".

It is a small quandary to many people, what kind of fruit their lives produce, because their "spirituality" or "faith" is personal and internal, what they believe is nobody else's business. These folks stand on an island where the terms "personal saviour", "separation of church and state", and "freedom to ..." are bandied about and venerated so as to cloak or exhume their actions, excuse their behavior because the words professed don't mix with the actions portrayed.

There are far less people on our planet that "walk their talk". Responsibility for errors in judgement, the ability to make a hard and unpopular choice even if it is a good or righteous choice. These folks are hard to find today, because the world is looking to beat down or dismiss the good as fraud for the pleasure of the now. Societal norms and mores outweigh Godly parameters set thousands of years ago by Jesus, the son of God, who came to us in a miracle, and left in another, yet humans fail to grasp His importance.

I am not judging everyone here, because I am not naive to the fact that many use their religious beliefs as an eternal and never ending "get out of jail free" card, neatly tucked away, only to be displayed in those moments when absolution from responsibility can be achieved. Not that a motivation for faith in God is fear of punishment, at least in part, but that a relationship with God is more important than the simple dread of eternal castigation.

Like I said earlier, examples of these behaviors are out there. So many examples of people living to their own or societies lack of standards, leading to erosion of character and most often public displays of outrageous behavior. In entertainment, so many are fooled by the popularity, only to fall victim to it. Over and over we read or hear how Anna Nicole Smith was just a trainwreck and yet even after her death more crap about her life continues to surface. Britany's behavior is not exemplary for a mother of two, unless that mother is utterly lost spiritually. Bill Clinton got caught in a stupid lie about an even more stupid situation where he broke sacred vows of marriage, and most folks excused him from those actions "Because everyone does it".

And then in sports we see evidence of the lack of morals and ethics in the BALCO scandal, the "who cares" attitude of baseball fans towards the biggest cheaters of all, while many scoff and exonerate Bonds, Sosa, and McGwire because they've NEVER been caught, while Rafael Palmiero is considered a liar, cheater, and an idiot because he got caught. Floyd Landis is now a footnote instead of Tour de France champion. Leonard Little killed someone with his car, but because he is an all pro NFL player with millions of dollars he is slapped on the wrist. Ron Artest is a punk who is in severe need of help, but his "ballin'" skills are so great he is allowed to be that way.

These are but a "tip of the iceberg" few and they represent millions of people not in the media spotlight everyday, who cheat on their taxes, break driving laws, have sex with people out of a marriage setting, or sit around a table with coffee or sodas and gossip about neighbors or friends to disparage their characters!

This article was originally motivated by the Drew/Coletti feud. As I sit and watch J. D. Drew year after year take millions of dollars from baseball, and miss 1/3 of every season from hangnails to knee pains, I have an opinion that he is not worth the money and aggravation he brings to a team, even though he is obviously a gifted talent on the baseball field. He is known as a Christian guy in the Major League. He isn't a big talker, not prone to interviews, but has a reputation for his spiritual lifestyle. This strong Christian man has the number two agent in the hierarchy of slimy creeps that one could employ. Only next to Drew Rosenhaus is Scott Boros second place in being a scum bag. Boros is Drew's agent.

That said, the Dodgers GM, Ned Coletti was quoted in the LA Times pertaining to Drew. Coletti, speaking about Drew, said of the whole "opting out" of his big contract last year for bigger money was not good for the Dodgers, and then took a shot at Drew saying that Drew is ""a spiritual guy and a man of his word," Colletti said at the time. "I guess he changed his word."" It is only my opinion, but I believe that Ned Coletti is not the great person he was touted to be. He may be a great talent evaluator, and good with the economics of a baseball team, but his communication skills leave much to be desired. Disparaging a man's spiritual nature because he legally voided his contract in which your employer, Mr. Coletti, signed and allowed J. D. to do, that is like saying stupid stuff like Biden and John Kerry have said.

Finally, J. D. is not lily white in this thing either. This would not be an issue if Mr. Drew was "walking his talk". I can't change Mr. Drew's behavior, but I look inside my own life and things are exposed. I don't want to be called a hypocrite, like J. D. I want to be thought of as a man who's fruit is from a Godly, upright, and happy tree.

Right Knows No Time Limits

There are those who try to convince us that "New and Improved" is the way society moves. It is easy to find all kinds of literature, both old and contemporary, that assures man of this: God is in control, and man is still searching for avenues of holiness and salvation. Many try to make religion a spiritual smorgasbord, picking and choosing pieces of the gospel they are comfortable with, and eliminating facets of scripture that are hardest to follow. There are a plethora of different "flavors" of religious belief. There are an equal amount of people who see the Bible as God's communication with man and the substance of their spiritual foundation.

Men like Thomas Browne, a renowned writer of seventeenth century England, in an essay titled Religio Medici has the same grasp of Christianity that we find in the 21st century. "...I am of that reformed new-cast religion, wherein I dislike nothing but the name; of the same belief our Saviour taught, the apostles disseminated, the fathers authorized, and the martyrs confirmed;..." and then goes on to say how politicians, the rich and powerful, and society in general have corrupted the world and it's religion. Browne stands in a gap - he's not anti-Catholic or anti-Puritan. Today's examples of those men are Chuck Swindoll, James Dobson, and Rick Warren.

Today many see the promises of God as a list of "THOU SHALT NOTS". Christians see change as a necessity. The term in the Bible is Repentance. It is not a change of convenience, but a change of heart and mind. Religion is not a spiritual bakery where you stand at the counter to pick and choose. Mary Baker Eddy, Joseph Smith, and Tom Cruise are just examples of Mr. Browne’s non-orthodoxy. Confucius said "Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change." C. S. Lewis said, "It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad." I hope to stand in the gap, where the true faith and spiritual well being of man is located, not in man's didactic overhaul of Scripture.

Loving Learning and Life

I am a very lucky man. The adage is oh, so true: "It's better to be lucky than good." I was given another chance, could be the 100th, and my wonderful, beautiful, and intelligent wife has backed me up, supported me, and even prodded me at times toward this career I am working toward. The best metaphor of my life is a "trip tik" from AAA auto club. A map with the starting point, taking a specific road, to a destination.

I am traveling down an educational superhighway, California Baptist University, with my little stops every semester, and a big stop at the Bachelor of Arts degree, turning toward a classroom as yet unknown, teaching English, life, and anything else they need to a group of unusually ungrateful teenagers as my destination. I look back and see the paths I've taken until now, and while I had minimal successes, overall my life up to now was in the category of potential, not production. Luckily, man is given the ability to change. I now have just one more year until I can realize a personal dream of a career, not just a job, or a dream.

It has been quite a journey to figure out what I could do, put my energy into it, and actually complete the task. Ministry was my idea, as all the roadblocks to success have proven. In fact, hindsight has shown me that once I dropped the idea of full time Christian ministry, the peace that captured me and the ability to move on in my life helped me out of the pit I was in. Never have I felt so free, so vital, and so important as when I was working toward this teaching credential.

Who Will Tell Them

written in 1991 by me

Oh Father, how do they ignore You?
After all You've done for them -
Will they ever learn,
Will they ever learn?

A little boy in the yard at play,
three years young -
needlessly taken away
by a lone stray gang's bullet -

Why don't these young men know
Jesus loves them so -
Who will tell them?

Oh Father, why do we ignore You?
After all You've done for us -
Will we ever learn,
Will we ever learn?

A young girl looks for some love to feel -
The baby has come -
Now the responsibility's real -
And she's more lonely!

Why can't this poor mom see
Jesus will always be
Her peace and salvation -

Oh Father, how can I forsake You?
After all You've done for me -
Will I ever learn,
Will I ever learn?

A Moment In My Life

written in 2006 by me

FALLING
I can not see the ground -
My head held so high -
Can't grab my balance -
My bones hit hard and hurt -

LAYING
Cold, Unforgiving ground -
My head is heavy -
Movement is impossible -
Pain sears through my body -

RISING
Looking up toward the horizon -
I catch a vision -
Strength returns to my legs -
Back to my feet, ready to go!

I Know I am Missing It

Imagine your favorite one and only sports team that matters is winning, and is on a road to the biggest game of the season. This could be their year! The anticipation, the excitement, and the euphoria would be incredibly large. Emotions other than happy pale in your head and heart. That is all well and good if you don't suffer with depression. Chronic depression sucks!

A friend of mine took his own life last week because he was sick of "the fear and anxiety of living this way every day." This was a quote from his note he left his wife of 17 years, a note apologizing, explaining, and genuinely loving his wife and family. He was very smart, very funny, and talented to boot. He loved his wife, his sister, and his brother, and his Indianapolis Colts. The fact that I didn't know he was sick, and I couldn't help gets to me. The fact that he was suffering so, so deeply and just couldn't handle life, that is more deeply troubling to me and harder to understand.

For years as we watched the Colts we thought of Jim. He lived for them in good and bad times. He was a great photographer, winning awards for pictures taken. He was an outdoors man, and a very fun party guy. Esoterically, an observer would see he had so much to live for. But how could anyone know what evil is in another one's head? This world is such a puzzle, and personally, I can't wait for Christ's return so I could solve it.

A little research tells me that more than 10 million Americans suffer with this malady. There is no cure. There are treatment options, but in some cases that isn't good enough.

Good bye Jim, you will be missed. Thank you for giving me a little insight into your hell on earth. I pray sincerely that your peace is eternal, and your glory is at the feet of the Father.

Actions Speak Louder

Philosophy can be a very annoying profession. Much like politicians, philosophers sits on their collective rumpus maximus' and lets everyone know what is wrong with everything, yet they DO very little to change outside of intellectually berating the world. I am not against politicians per say, because the ultimate goal of politics in this country is SERVICE for others to better the country. The occupation of politician has morphed more into a job of plausible deniability and general promises in order to unseat an opponent or keep your seat. However, this is a rant about philosophy.

I have a made a limited study of philosophers of all sorts. I say limited, because in all I have studied I know there are ten or one hundred more that I have not read, do not know about, and therefore my search is not exhaustive. Nevertheless, philosophers as an occupation are spineless whiners who have no problem finding fault with the goings-on, and ever so rarely step up with their actions actually attempt to better their world.

Passive resistance like going to prison for their beliefs or oppression financially or socially due to the thoughts and communications of "great" philosophers of the past could be construed as actions worthy of my criteria, but I believe that they are weak attempts to martyrdom. What would be so hard about saying, "This needs to be changed," and then living life in a way that went with hand-in-hand with their words? The entire Christianity movement could be broadly considered a philosophy, but for my argument the Christian faith is a lifestyle, thus disqualifying it as a sedentary philosophy.

To bottom line this, most philosophers either try to overcomplicate things to show off their immense intelligence, or try to verbally berate something in order to "prove" its lack of merit. For instance, religion is very easy to see where philosophers either run from it or attempt to disprove God's existence, due to their perception of God's restrictions on mankind, or they argue its irrelevance and try to update it to fit their personal needs and problems.

While it is true that many very intelligent people have had no ability to work toward any type of societal change and either wrote or spoke or both to get people to see the errors of their ways, other great people let their actions match their words - like Gerald Ford, Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King Jr.-these are examples of folks who stood against the popular and acted according to their words. Not one of these folks was ever called philosophers, yet they all lived a great community philosophy.

As I reread this for punctuation and spelling, I can also see where my clarity has been slightly led askew. I don't condemn philosophy as a profession, but philosophers who sit and DO NOTHING. I don't condemn politics, but politicians who don't do what they claim.

Something to Scare the Critters Away

I know it's scary, but it must be here to prove a point. I hate my face, and pictures of it just remind me of how "yuck" it is. Anywho, here I am. Notice that the 12 year old has the exact hairline as the 40 year old. Hooray! The fact is, the mustache photo is now ten years old, since there isn't one in existence more current.

"For Me to Live is Christ, to Die is Gain"

Good Bye, Darrent.

The apostle Paul knew his role on earth, and he told the Philippian church he was focused on what was important. How amazing to be Christ's ambassador on earth, and how wonderful to be in heaven at the feet of God.

Darrent's mother is in the news as she remembers and grieves for her dead son. She thought that Darrent did more in his short life than most, and she attempted to understand his abrupt and heinous end to his life when she told reporters, "maybe that's why he did so much because he knew his time on Earth was limited."

Doing good things, making people smile, these are the qualities of a life well lived. And the fruits of the labors of a man bear witness to the heart of the man. "Dee" Williams gave us all a lesson in living. Too bad some insignificant, immature, punks took his life from us too early.