The Apostle Paul captured my dilemma in the seventh chapter of the letter to the Romans. While I have such grandiose plans and dreams for my life, ministries I want to be in, even just my daily life - the way I honor and cherish my wife, the time I spend on my children and the manner I communicate with them, and the rest of my family and friends I want to be with and care about - these are the things in my life that are the hardest to accomplish. I feel like this diatribe could easily swing into a pity party, but that is not my focus. As Paul finishes his thought on sin in Romans 7, he says (vs 24, 25) "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord."
I am almost fifty years old and I am still learning how far I have to grow, how much I do not know, and just what a creep I am. After all, I can look back and see the goober from high school, or the moron that went from college to college and never accomplished anything. One failed marriage, children and step children that neither listen to or respect any adult, save me personally. I have been attempting to receive a Bachelor's Degree for almost 5 years, and California Baptist University started me off with a two-year Associates Degree I received 15 years ago. Jobless, and still playing games with my school for my degree, I struggle to stay UN-depressed.
I truly believe that there is a plan for me. Like Paul, I thank God for the gift of his son, Jesus Christ. I need to walk in that light. I need to seek His face and do what pleases Him, and then my concerns about my life will not be as ominous or depressing.
