Personal, Inner Conflict

The Apostle Paul captured my dilemma in the seventh chapter of the letter to the Romans. While I have such grandiose plans and dreams for my life, ministries I want to be in, even just my daily life - the way I honor and cherish my wife, the time I spend on my children and the manner I communicate with them, and the rest of my family and friends I want to be with and care about - these are the things in my life that are the hardest to accomplish. I feel like this diatribe could easily swing into a pity party, but that is not my focus. As Paul finishes his thought on sin in Romans 7, he says (vs 24, 25) "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord."
I am almost fifty years old and I am still learning how far I have to grow, how much I do not know, and just what a creep I am. After all, I can look back and see the goober from high school, or the moron that went from college to college and never accomplished anything. One failed marriage, children and step children that neither listen to or respect any adult, save me personally. I have been attempting to receive a Bachelor's Degree for almost 5 years, and California Baptist University started me off with a two-year Associates Degree I received 15 years ago. Jobless, and still playing games with my school for my degree, I struggle to stay UN-depressed.
I truly believe that there is a plan for me. Like Paul, I thank God for the gift of his son, Jesus Christ. I need to walk in that light. I need to seek His face and do what pleases Him, and then my concerns about my life will not be as ominous or depressing.

First Step - Done!

Bachelor of Arts in English from California Baptist University - that is what it says on my diploma. That phrase is completely awesome to me - "my diploma" - a road of many challenges and even more joys is behind me, and now in front of me is a new road. A certificate of qualification to teach in California, with classroom work, a test, and student teaching all lay before me.

It was a great celebration of accomplishment. My kids that were in Southern California were here share in my joy, with my fantastic inspirer and life partner I am very proud to call my wife, my folks, my in-laws, and my sister and her family, plus two dear friends all braved the desert sun, heat, and my company to wish me well. Their prayers on my behalf have been lifted throughout this process. They have asked, encouraged, and even nagged to help me get this part of the process finished.

So, here I go, ready or not, into phase two of the Teacher Plan. Thank you Lord, for Your blessings, Your love, and guidance over my life.