My Character

My squawking all these years on this blog has been about one theme - character! I am so upset at myself when my own character does not fit what I strive for. I want to be the coolest, most patient, loving, and good person - a person who's inner strength is so awesome that it picks up everyone around me, and they ask "What is it about that guy?"

I have spent most of my life worrying about how I was perceived by people. I wanted acceptance of people more than God, and even though I believed and accepted Christ as my Savior, my life was a mess of cataclysmic proportion. I now know that while I have been given gifts and abilities, my allegiance to God as God is far more important than any gratification I receive by men and women. I am also wishing for my children to understand this principle through my example, and they will see Christ living in me, not just 'lip service'.

One thing I tend to do is focus on popular people (generally in the realm of sports) who have little-to-no-character, and make them negative examples. Sometimes, or once in a while, this is good, but it is my experience that the human animal responds best to positive stimulus, example, or encouragement, and so it is my goal to be more like Christ now, in ten minutes, at bedtime, tomorrow, next week, and beyond. The plethora of bad character examples will have to fend for themselves. I will endeavor to no longer give them credence.

I am amazed at how I still am working on traits, quirks, and character issues in my own life - I asked myself, "Self, why did you think/say that?" or "Why don't you tell him/her which way is up?" or a myriad of other selfish, un-Christ-like behaviors, and still want to take back words or actions long since gone and printed on my pages in my book. Luckily, my errors have been erased, or washed away by an act I can not even fathom, Jesus dying for me. But as Paul told the Roman church we should not sin just to receive more grace from God, but we should follow Christ, his teachings and his example of living. It is awesome that Jesus was not a "do as I say, not as I do" leader.

Thank you God, for your grace and forgiveness. Thank you for sticking with me even though I am so not worthy of anything you have done for me. Help me to act grateful, not just give words of thanks.