When You Say Nothing At All

Those times when I am too overwhelmed to speak - "Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice" Proverbs 13.10 (NIV) - it is at those specific and exact moments I know God knows my heart. It wasn't always this way. And to be brutally honest, there are times in my present day life when I doubt, when I give in to the deceiver and proclaim myself the loser. However, in this chaos of over thinking, self-doubt and faithlessness, I find God in the scriptures, and in my spirit.

For years I have been assaulting myself over things I should have done in the past, and not living in "the now" of today - claiming victory through Jesus over my weakness because I know that Paul told us "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me" II Corinthians 12.9 (NIV).  Growth is a painful process. How do babies get teeth, or children grow, or woman deliver babies? Painfully. Why then, do so many expect spiritual growth to be a magical transformation, like Tinkerbell shakes her wand and Wendy flies?

God gave me my gifts and abilities. I took far too long to discover the few I have because I allowed the deceiver to fool me, confuse me, and betray me into believing I had none, or what I had was unworthy of God's acknowledgment. Like a kid with a thumb sucking habit, just saying stop doesn't turn me into a spiritual giant overnight. My head recognizes that God gives everyone gifts, in their own measure, and that one of mine - for example - is a servant's heart. Satan has turned that one on me to be a doormat. So in the attempt to shed this self-perception, I don't always see myself slip back into the old, like the toddler who finds his thumb in his mouth and thinks, "how'd that happen?"

If you need prayer, let me know and I will joyfully pray for you - this is a terrible time in our world - we all need help, and that which I can supply is to lift you up before God and ask on your behalf  for God to help you, or bless you, to know you are thankful. Thank you my friends who pray for me.