"A double minded man is unstable in all his ways." James 1.8 KJV
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
Aristotle
"And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Philippians 4.8 NLT
“The man who thinks he can and the man who thinks he can't are both right." Henry Ford
When I was a wee lad, I had a very sharp mind. I absorbed everything; books, conversations, games, music, movies, television, and anything else that crossed my path. Unfortunately, I learned to be lazy and act the fool so that I never had to work hard. I graduated from High School, but with my mortar board and diploma things like study skills and drive to learn stayed behind.
Then as a young adult I was a mess - Bitter, immature, and flopping around from school to school, job to job until I had two kids, one divorce, and was working at a church that didn't want me around, as well as a second job as a Security Officer. My life was not where I'd dreamed it would be. I did nothing to attain my dreams, and while God and I were on a first name basis, the body of Christ and I had issues. I watched as friends had mentors and accountability partners, and I had nothing of the kind. I blamed everyone else for my plight, my lack of success career-wise, family-wise, and just plain inner me -wise - as if all around me those people were a sticky food substance and I was a Teflon pan in which nothing could stick. For you youngsters who are lost with the Teflon analogy, Google it.
My career as a youth pastor was over. My new path as a bitter divorced father was moving down the road and accelerating when God put an angel in my path. I met an amazing woman that was going through a divorce and she had three amazing children. She wasn't hateful or bitter toward her ex outwardly. She didn't use her children as power play pieces to emasculate or denigrate him. Instead, she allowed him to pay less child support than the court ordered, just to use what was needed, and still allow him to live. She was sweet, nurturing, and patient - qualities I truly admired in a person that had her heart ripped by infidelity of her spouse.
Her love and her relationship with God were so healthy and helpful to me as I began to crawl out of the muck I had been living in spiritually. As I reminisce I can see clearly now that God let me talk to Him in anger, in frustration, in contriteness, and even in reverence. Pam was a beautiful example of joy, love, and patience, and I began to see there was a big difference between loving someone unconditionally and not accepting their behavior if it was improper or incorrect.
So now, close to twenty years have flown by since this angel took my heart and gave me hers. I have been unsuccessful many more times than I have been triumphant at showing consistently how deep and strong my love for her has become. I don't deserve her at all, but as Christ loves us, she continually personifies that covenant of love we made to each other. So you've been reading for five paragraphs and you are asking, "What does any of this have to do with the title?" The answer is maybe more complicated than I want it to be, and since my own deficiency in communicating is a thorn in my flesh I hope I can clearly explain.
When I sit and look at my past, both distant and most current, I can see mistakes. When I envision my future, I can't get past mistakes I've already made. Numerous conversations with Pam, and other family tell me decisively that "Do it!" is the directive, but failure haunts me. My brain has convinced me that regardless of evidence to the contrary I can not even start, let alone succeed. I KNOW this is contradictory to God's Word, as well as common sense, but the power between my ears is a crippling and divisive. Am I a mess or what?
My career as a youth pastor was over. My new path as a bitter divorced father was moving down the road and accelerating when God put an angel in my path. I met an amazing woman that was going through a divorce and she had three amazing children. She wasn't hateful or bitter toward her ex outwardly. She didn't use her children as power play pieces to emasculate or denigrate him. Instead, she allowed him to pay less child support than the court ordered, just to use what was needed, and still allow him to live. She was sweet, nurturing, and patient - qualities I truly admired in a person that had her heart ripped by infidelity of her spouse.
Her love and her relationship with God were so healthy and helpful to me as I began to crawl out of the muck I had been living in spiritually. As I reminisce I can see clearly now that God let me talk to Him in anger, in frustration, in contriteness, and even in reverence. Pam was a beautiful example of joy, love, and patience, and I began to see there was a big difference between loving someone unconditionally and not accepting their behavior if it was improper or incorrect.
So now, close to twenty years have flown by since this angel took my heart and gave me hers. I have been unsuccessful many more times than I have been triumphant at showing consistently how deep and strong my love for her has become. I don't deserve her at all, but as Christ loves us, she continually personifies that covenant of love we made to each other. So you've been reading for five paragraphs and you are asking, "What does any of this have to do with the title?" The answer is maybe more complicated than I want it to be, and since my own deficiency in communicating is a thorn in my flesh I hope I can clearly explain.
When I sit and look at my past, both distant and most current, I can see mistakes. When I envision my future, I can't get past mistakes I've already made. Numerous conversations with Pam, and other family tell me decisively that "Do it!" is the directive, but failure haunts me. My brain has convinced me that regardless of evidence to the contrary I can not even start, let alone succeed. I KNOW this is contradictory to God's Word, as well as common sense, but the power between my ears is a crippling and divisive. Am I a mess or what?
1 comment:
Failure is just a way of looking at result. Any effort leads to something. If you don't define the desired outcome of your effort, you'll increase the joy of the effort itself. Any result is okay. Wherever you go, enjoy the going.
Take care!
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