First Step - Done!

Bachelor of Arts in English from California Baptist University - that is what it says on my diploma. That phrase is completely awesome to me - "my diploma" - a road of many challenges and even more joys is behind me, and now in front of me is a new road. A certificate of qualification to teach in California, with classroom work, a test, and student teaching all lay before me.

It was a great celebration of accomplishment. My kids that were in Southern California were here share in my joy, with my fantastic inspirer and life partner I am very proud to call my wife, my folks, my in-laws, and my sister and her family, plus two dear friends all braved the desert sun, heat, and my company to wish me well. Their prayers on my behalf have been lifted throughout this process. They have asked, encouraged, and even nagged to help me get this part of the process finished.

So, here I go, ready or not, into phase two of the Teacher Plan. Thank you Lord, for Your blessings, Your love, and guidance over my life.

BEFORE All Else Fails

Very important educational fact of my life - WARNING - The next sentence is heavy in spiritual content - if reading about God and spiritual matters offends, don't read any more - Simply go to the comment section and leave your name or screen name so I can pray for you-

Prayer is a great thing! In Philippians chapter 4, Paul, while sitting in a stinking hell-hole of a jail awaiting execution for his belief and actions thereby coinciding with his belief in Christ as Savior and Lord wrote to the church and told them to handle their little problems with joy, and pray in EVERY situation. Don't worry, but pray - and my favorite part of this specific lesson is in the verse following the command to pray - verse seven is so clear and yet I have heard preacher after preacher screw it up. "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus" (ASV). Too bad Paul didn't say, whatever you ask for, whatever is the source of your worry, if you are in my good graces and have done all the right things, your thoughts are Godly, and your heart is pure, then you will get whatever you want or need.

To sum up, don't worry, give up control to God. Pastor Greg Laurie defines worry as a "lack of trust in God." At the point that you give it up to God, your life will be at peace, the most fantastic peace too awesome to understand, regardless of God's answer to your situation.

I use this forum to confess -

I need God to take away the stress of our finances. I need to give Him my stress over our finances. Pam is working herself too hard, I am not working enough, and our bills are beginning to overwhelm us. I am rolling on toward a teaching job, ignoring the latest budget news about education cuts and the possible scarcity of teaching jobs for newbies like me. My school bill is so high I can't get my diploma when I graduate in May, until it gets paid in full.

I must put into motion the actions I am professing with my words. End of blog, I have a "prayervious" engagement!

How Long Can You Wait?

This morning I heard a great story on local Christian radio, KSGN 89.7 in Riverside/San Bernadino California. A young girl asked her mother, "How old was (older sister's name) when see asked Jesus into her heart?" The mother answered, "Seven." There was a long pause in the conversation, as it took place in the car, and mom was driving, and the little girl was in the back seat. Finally, the little girl spoke up, "Mom, I don't think I can wait that long!"

Anti-Prefunctory Parental Ponderings

Outside of my relationship with God and my wife, there is nothing more important than my children. I have a daughter from a college liaison, let's call D1, that twenty-three years ago I gave up for adoption to the man who wanted to marry my college friend. I have a son from my first marriage, he will be S3, and two from my present and final marriage, S4 and D3. My wife had three children in her first marriage, S1, D2, and S2, which means between us, seven people are walking the planet as a direct result of our choices.

When D1's mom thought it best I have NO contact with our daughter, but my family (parents, aunts) were still big parts of her life, I was able to stay up to date on D1's life. When she asked about me, she was told some sort of nonsense, and when she actively was looking to speak with me (through my parents whom she called Grandma & Grandpa) she was fifteen, so I wrote her a letter telling her how I wanted what was best for her, and her mom and the man that loved them both could make a good family for her. I was honest, telling her I loved her from the time she was born, but made choices because her mom and I weren't in love. Now D1 will be 26 next month, and she is a single mom with a one year old boy, and she lives on the east coast. She stays in touch via email and "Myspace", and she acknowledges me as a person. The irony is that my stepchildren and my own S3 treat me the same way.

Raised in my house, those children are just as uncommunicative, uncaring and unavailable emotionally as the girl who's only connection with me is biological. A symptom of the generation and our culture, I believe. However, that is a thought for a different blog. Now I have D2 who also had a child and needed my wife and my support for a time, and has an incredibly strange rationale for what she is entitled to. She doesn't refer to S4 and D3 as her brother and sister, just as "my mother's kids". This entitlement is shared unconsciously by all 5 of the older children. S1 is 26, and he keeps in touch to inform us about him. He has told us how he feels strongly that he needs to be more involved in his younger siblings lives, but only how they relate to HIM. There is no desire to relate to them. Examples - S4, an 11 year old, is very intelligent and has a communication level that S1 can understand. They chat for hours via Skype while D3, a nine year old, is dying to participate and listen and even tell her stories, but the parents have to intervene just to allow her any time at all. I am frequently perplexed by this phenomena, and then I hear stories of other children from a myriad of different ideologies and households who have the very same entitlement issues. I still feel quite guilty, even with the evidence society presents, for the following reasons:

My two youngest, S4 and D3, are still in the formative stages, elementary school ages. We have provided a great foundation of the importance of God, family, education, physical activities, and friends. D3 doesn't seem to get it. She just dances through life, making the same repeated errors, and her actions when explaining are simply, "yea, so what?" or a vacant stare that begs the question, "Hello, is ANYBODY home?" I feel like such a failure when I stand back and look at the large canvas of my family. It is my fault.

Ramblings

Happy New Year to all of my three readers - been a busy holiday season with Christmas, school, family visiting from Colorado for an all-too-brief time. My 94 year-young grandma came with my parents. It was a blessing to spend so much time with her. My niece had her right ACL surgically repaired the day after Christmas, which became a freaky and almost surreal time with my sister and my brother-in-law, but a great new beginning and opportunity for one of the sweetest people on this planet. My oldest niece is a humble, talented and gorgeous high school junior. She has never had more than a scrape or bruise, and now she is dealing with a major injury and repair. This process is slower than she imagined. She is young and very healthy, with a great orthopedic surgeon - she will heal to a point almost as good as new -

This is the home stretch of my Bachelor Degree - I must get back to my term paper on English and Education and humor - a goofy topic, huh?

Motivation Only Comes From Within

I was sitting in my college class last week and heard my Professor exclaim that growing up on the east coast and living in Europe had made it very easy for him to love southern California, but he admitted it was hard to get into Christmas with 70 - 80 degree days, and the general lack of concern people here have for others. Actuating as I have from Colorado, I am also drawn to the "white" of the winter season as well as the crispness of sub-freezing temperatures. I truly miss the Christmas season. Unlike my prof, I miss Colorado ALL THE TIME.

I have the most awesome companion in life. My wife, my sweetie, my love is such a fantastic woman, and she has taught me so many life lessons, and this one I finally get - the outer esoteric "stuff" that we humans count on to change our mood or motivate our actions is not important, the mind and the heart of the individual is where true behavior derives, whether it's positive or negative.

Remember this Christmas to hug those you love, be kind to those you don't, and above all, give God all the praise for giving his Son to us as the Ultimate Gift of love, to weak and pathetic humans who don't deserve anything from God accept contempt for our lack of respect and punishment for our behavior.

Almost Everything is Changeable

I have heard it said far too many times, "(Insert a name here) will never change. He/She is just as (insert a negative personal characteristic here) now as they have ever been." The laughable part is that as humans nothing is ever the same twice. Just as ironic is the millions of people on this big blue rock who are resistant even to the point of animosity toward change. If repeating perfectly was easy, many many people would be far better at sports, art, and music. Other activities would be far more simple and more frequently mastered, like typing out forms at work, driving, exercising, cleaning, etc.

I need to insert a disclaimer here, that people who chose to talk without conscience, or let alcohol or drugs control their actions are not diseased anymore than people with red hair or that are left hand dominant are satanic. This argument is not of any substance and usually a lazy excuse for foolishness. Those who choose to give in consistently to fleshly desires (booze, drugs, overeating, sex, lying, gossip, narcissism) have no one but themselves to blame for their plight, although most will be quick to blame "any port in a storm".

The beauty of this problem is that choices abound for every individual - to exercise instead of smoking that pipe or poppin' those pills, to paint, sing, or write and put the bottle away. To talk to a friend or a professional counselor instead of going to the Internet porn, to chew carrots and celery instead of a dozen doughnuts. Even in our speech, change is doable. Swearing isn't necessary, and gossip is a choice as well. But beware of the devout who gossip under veiled curtains of prayer requests or concerns for brothers and sisters in Christ.

The only thing I can find that can not change is that promise of peace, joy, and the security deep inside from God 's promise. No matter where you turn and what you do, God's promise is there - the opportunity to live with an assurance of salvation, more than a fleeting feeling when nice things happen, but an assurance from your soul that the Holy Spirit is your guide. Not that this makes the trip easier, because that is hardly ever the case. Courage and strength come from doing what is right and usually you have to brave a current of popular opinion to go the right direction.

Friends can be fickle - Look at the example from the Bible of how the citizens of Jerusalem cried out HOSANNA! when Jesus entered the city, and they laid palm branches in front of him as a sign of regal acknowledgment. Then less than one week later, their cries were CRUCIFY HIM! On the other hand, the thief crucified beside Jesus changed his heart and Jesus promised him a place in Paradise in the man's final minutes of life. Change is inevitable, if we learn anything from nature. The choice is a natural process. Why not choose to live a life of happiness, joy and trust instead of deceit, selfishness, and misery?